Forest Park McDonalds: A

Road tripping has taught me many of bathroom thing. Dunkin' Donuts, Burger King, and any type of Chicken Shack- bad, bad news for bathrooms. Always yuck. Either because the decor is brown, old, or its just plain unideal. Grouting is always an issue at these establishments, also. Go figure. From here in the Chi-town area, all the way to the stalls on the beautiful coast of California- these fast food places earn a D to F grade. Always. McDonald's however, is always a surprise. Often times they would Meet or Exceed expectation and earn an A or B- even in Nebraska and Kansas. But sometimes you bump into one that makes you worry. The Forest Park McD's makes me worry. Not because of its bathrooms, but because its a mental panic button for me and my Crohn's. Throughout every morning of the ongoing past school year, my health status got more and more uncomfortable and more and more set off by any nerves, deadlines, rushing, or impending meeting that I thought I might be late for. Plus, a busy morning, getting ready to drop off Natalia always made for a unpredictable gut. So, it always seemed that I would be fine, but then over the hill and under the el tracks we would drive and suddenly Crohner's would rumble and hit. Always at 7:25 am! Annoying. I don't know how many times we had to mad dash through the intersections at mock speed, blowing red lights, to get me runnning to the bathroom here. One time, I even just opened the dorr and ran through the intersection without looking or stopping, much to Noah's anger and fear. So you get the point. I see the Forest Park McD's and I panic- even still on summer vacation. Last week, it did not fail. Dropping Natalia off on Wed, as we do, those golden arches set me on Critique a la Salle, two times! Each time, they delivered and I thank them. Two clean stall. Big fancy sink. Always someone just having cleaned it at that hour- great. Fully loaded TP. And a very inviting WOMENS door with frosted glass. All around- it has never failed to be great and deliver when panicked. Thanks. I give it an A.

Old Town School of Folk Music: B

Today was Natalia's first day, and ours, I suppose of Wiggleworms at Old Town. Super excited to pack up the lunch, head to the square, wiggle some worms, and then walk the old stompin' grounds. Also super excited because Old Town School of Folk Music has always been one of my favorite Chicago bathrooms of all times. Particularly the spacious, handicapped stall at the far back east side. Old Town always delivered when there was a Crohner's punch- even when not open for classes. Always clean, great soap, and never low on TP. Really, one of my favorite Crohn's destinations- I tell ya. So this morning, glad to be back. Wiggleworms and bathroom of favorite- here we come. Got there after a gorgeous drive up the Lake Shore with its almost paint like blue shimmer and found our class to be redirected to the NEW building across the way! "Awesome- new bathroom and undoudtedly they were in for an A+, I figured." Close, super close. I still rank the old ones and A+, but the 2010 lime green mini-mosaic tiles kept distracting my A+ to a B. I gotta knock it down a notch, in three years that already so- so lime green tile will be totally annoying! But here are the stats: Totally perfect cleanliness. Many stalls, in case of emergency and classes in transition. Loads of TP. Great lighting makes you look nice while you wash your hands. Lime green mini mosaic tiles. I give it a B.

Genessee Theater: C

So last night we went too see a legend- 79 years old! Can you believe that? 10 years ago in a Shearton Hotel parking lot we shared a space with Willie's tour bus. Last night we caught his show and then honked down his tour bus (the same one, might I add) as we all drove towards the highway, neck in neck. The show was at the Genessee theatre and I made a quick peek into the bathrooms there. Black and white subway tiles and pedestal sinks. Lots of stalls and lots of TP. Great. Shiny mirrors and lots of fancy lighting. However, I'd felt like I'd been in one of these bathrooms before at any movie theatre- so it was just good, average, nice. I give it a C.

Deetjen's Big Sur Inn: A-

Ahhh... Deetjen's Big Sur Inn. First off, there is nothing other than perfect about this place. No joke. From Redwood Forest canyons, to streams trickling. From delicious food to beautiful gardens. From the coastal cliffs to the Pacific Ocean across the street. From paper thin walls hiding money to a mystery joint hiding in some rafters. You really cannot rate this place because every one of its features is nothing out of the A's. It'd give it an A+, if it didn't require double flushes- thus a little minus. Usually this type of description would send a Crohner's running scared, but not at Deetjen's. Our little Antique Apartment had a kickin' it bathroom. Redwood walls that heated and smelled of cedar when you took a shower in the morning or the sun shone through the trees outside. The linoleum was oddly spotless and perfect for the place, plus its funny little grey carpet made it perfect. All of these features, oddly would rank any bathroom in the low D's, but here- it rates it in the high A's because all of it is spotless and perfect for the setting. The sink has a great old rust stain over the drain that makes you think of farmers- don't ask me why, it just did. The bathroom was pure perfection in a redwood, rustic garden setting. The double flushing was workable. The sink kicked it nicely. The linoleum could have been layed down yesterday. Really, this place rocks. You gotta check it out! I rate it an A-.

San Francisco American Airlines Terminal: A+

All I gotta say is PERFECT. San Fran's airport is great. You can find some good gluten free, non junk food selections and take care of business in a shiny new, eco friendly bathroom stall. It's not the first time, I've experienced this- the low flow or higher flow flush system, but couple that with private stalls, soft toliet paper, and great lighting, you can sit in there for as long as you wish and hear a boatload of conversations in many a language across the world. Awesome. Bathroom flushers- awesome. Stall- spotless. Privacy- perfect. Cleanliness- great. I rate it an A+.

United Terminal O'Hare Airport: B

O'Hare airport- the site of great excitement, anticipation, and sometime sorrow has never ceased to interest me. It's bathrooms rank pretty high up there, I gotta say. In my opinion, one of the best in Chicago- you know, O'Hare IS Chicago by zip code. Other terminals, with the exception of International, cannot compare. The domestic wing for United always has nice lighting, you look pretty snazzy in the diffused sunlight mirrors. The stalls are huge to accomdate your giant carry on. Its best, weirdest feature is the fact that you can wave your hand and this saran wrap like cover rolls across the diameter of the seat, making you feel confident that all's good and clean. As a kid, I just thought the roll just found its way back into the little white motor part, got rewound, and faked us all out! Now as an adult, I like to think differently. It's always clean. The soap smells good. And the formica like sinks- so mode in the 90's, now crack me up in the 2012's. I rate it a B.